I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
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It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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