I just cut my nipple shaving
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize