I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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