I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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