i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
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I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
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Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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