you told grandpa to call you daddy
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
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Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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