All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize