Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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