Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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