how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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