quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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