Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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