Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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