I smell stomach acid.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
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After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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