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I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
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