took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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