I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
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This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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