i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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