So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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