MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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