i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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