How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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