I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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