how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
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Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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