I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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