I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
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you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
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After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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