Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
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Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
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Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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