i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize