it was like eating out sand paper
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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