I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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