We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize