i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize