There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
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I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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