He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
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You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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