Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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