i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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