The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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