So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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