no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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