I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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