so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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