He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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