oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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