I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize