So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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