i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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