There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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