someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
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You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
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you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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