Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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