I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize